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雅思6分作文范文解析

2020-03-12 环球教育

大家是否想要了解为何你不可以拿到雅思大作文大分吗?雅思写作6分要怎么才能得到?关键还是要多看一些6分范文,下面环球教育雅思培训老师为大家分析了雅思6分作文范文解析。




雅思6分作文范文解析:


Somepeoplethinkthatasenseofcompetitioninchildrenshouldbeencouraged.Othersbelievethatchildrenwhoaretaughttoco-operateratherthancompetebecomemoreusefuladults.Discussboththeseviewsandgiveyourownopinion.


Nowadays,purposeofeducationbeingchangedinKorea.Therearesomepeoplewhothinkthatcompetitioninchildrenshouldbemade,alsoothersbelievethatchildrenwhoaretaughttoco-operateaswellasbecomemoreusefuladults.Thereareadvantagesanddisadvantagesforbothofthearguments.


Tobeginwith,whatisgoodifasenseofcompetitioninchildrenismade?Theycoulddevelopthemselvesmoreandmoreastheylearnandstudyalottowinfromthecompetition.Toprovethis,inKorea,itispopular-evencommonnow-tohaveatutorwhocometostudent’shousetoteachextrapiecesofstudywithpayingalotofmoney.Theylearnfasterthanwhattheylearnatschool.Furthermore,duringthevocations,studentsstudyabroadtolearnEnglishforamonthinsteadofreviseschoolwork.Iftheyhaveexperimentssuchasstudyabroad,itisoneofthegreatestpluspointtogotothefamouswell-knownhighschool.Moreover,therearefourbigschoolexamandtwonationalexaminationstoteststudents’levelofstudies.Generally,onlythehighest40%cangotothegoodqualityhighschoolsandcollegeschildrenlearnasmuchastheycan,towinthecompetitiontoobtaingoodqualityschools.


Ontheotherhand,astheyarebusytoentertheschoolsandstudyindividuallywiththeirowntutors,thereareproblems.Theybecomeselfish.Theybecomecarelessanddon’thelpothersalotifitisaboutstudies.Therewillbenoco-operationsforthem.Then,whyaretherecompaniesformanypeopletoworkin?eachofthemareclever,however,thereareweakpartsandstrongpartsforeachperson.Toco-operateistoimprovethispart.Peopletalkandlistentowhatothersthinkingofandlearn.Thatcouldalsobeagreatopportunitytolearninsteadoflearningalonewithoneteacher.


Inconclusion,Istronglyagreewiththatchildrenshouldbetaughttoco-operateratherthancompete.Nobodyisperfect.Peoplelearntogether,worktogethertodevelopeachother.therefore,Iwantparentsandteacherstoeducatechildrenconcentratingonco-operation,notcompeteandrankingthem.


问题分析:


从论证大主题的角度而言,此篇文章的收尾是co-operation更重要的成立的,但是这位考生在文字数量分配上却没有规划,分配给competition的文字明显多于给co-operation的,这样给了考官一个非常合情合理的借口扣分,实在是遗憾啊!


写作建议NO.5:Ifitisyourpreference,giveitmorereference.


若大家认同那个观点,那么便在这个观点上多写点吧。


若大家进一步看下Body段里的细节内容,事实上这位考生的语法功力以及逻辑论证能力比上面那位5分同学还有一定的距离,但是这篇文章将题目里的2个方面都提到,没有犯我的NO.3建议中的错误。除此之外,文字总量上这一篇文章称之为2篇都有明显的优势,所以再强调下数量真的也很重要。


以上是环球教育老师为你介绍的内容。希望大家可以仔细的阅读,如果还想了解更多的有关雅思考的信息,可以点击页面的咨询框,会有专业的老师为你解答。


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